I suppose when I’d set out to publish my children’s book, I expected it to get picked up over night.
It’s actually only been 2 months. In robyn-is-waiting-for-something-time, that’s like the equivalent of about 100 million years. In getting-a-book-published-time, that’s like, half a second.
And just because my book hasn’t been picked up in my timing, I subconsciously started questioning, “Well, but, didn’t God lead me here? Isn’t this the desire of my heart? Didn’t I follow Him into a risk and didn’t He promise to provide? Wait…did I hear Him correctly when I decided to make this my career? Was this a bad idea?”
And the questions continued until this weekend when they finally came to a head and exploded in a volcano of ALL THE FEELINGS. (Plus, you know, being in the middle of a move takes emotions like 10 notches higher than normal anyway).
Tears streamed down my face and my sweet husband pulled over and gently asked me what was wrong.
I furrowed my brow and honestly couldn’t name it because there were lots of
trivial SUPER important things wrong. You know, like, the armoir that’s been sitting in our new living room, will someone PLEASE take it so I can paint the walls and I haven’t had chocolate cookie quarry ice cream in like two weeks and and Tucker doesn’t like the new spot of his cat tree but my coffee bar has to go SOMEwhere and which moving box are my t-shirts in, again?
But, no. Those weren’t what was really bothering me.
“I just….sniff…I just want….”
I felt myself pout a little. Because I knew what was really bothering me.
(And I thought I was going to be mature about this whole waiting-for-my-book-to-be-picked-up thing).
So I let it out.
“I just WANT my book published! Like, NOW! I mean, I thought it would have been picked up already!!! I thought since God lead me here that He would do it super fast, and did I do something wrong? Did I make a mistake and that’s why this is taking longer than I thought it would?”
Michael’s gentle voice brought me back from the rabbit trail of questions. “I don’t think God works that way.”
Of course, he’s right.
But I wanted to keep pouting. Because, you know, that’s very mature of me.
So I did.
And Michael continued. “You know, do you think this is the best time for your book to be picked up? I mean, we don’t even have our office set up because we’re in the middle of a move. Do you think maybe God knows better than you when it’s the right time?”
Well, the man had a point.
“And don’t you ever have to say ‘not yet’ or ‘no’ to your kids when they want something, because you know what’s best? Even if they don’t understand?”
And then I sat back in that passenger seat and thought about my nanny littles.
I say ‘no’ to them lots of times; when my adventurers want to be more adventurous than I think is good or safe, I have to say no. Or if they want dessert before lunch, I have to say “not yet. Just wait a little longer for it.”
And they don’t always understand or agree, but I do what’s best for them.
Because I love them.
So I sat and thought about just how much I care about those littles, and how I say ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ because I love them and want the best for them…and then I thought….
…how much more does God, our Father, love us? Love me?
“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith” Galatians 3:26.
And since He’s our perfectly loving Father, He has to say ‘no’ or ‘not yet,’ to us, too.
Because He loves us.
And all of a sudden I became His little, wanting what I want right now, wanting that publishing deal, and begging for it with tears.
And I know He doesn’t mind my contending with Him.
I also know He knows what’s best.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” Isaiah 55:9.
You know what’s hard? Worshiping a God whom you’re afraid has forgotten you.
But you know what’s strengthening? Trusting that God is who He says He is. Taking His Word for truth.
And living it.
Even in the waiting.
Blessings to you,