Newlyweds

My Diary: hospitals and Christmas lights and how gratitude is bigger than worry

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When I was putting up our Christmas decorations tonight, I smiled a little when I realized what a messy house I was decorating. Literally. We hadn’t cleaned in forever.

But also figuratively.

I smiled at how stringing up our lights felt like inviting Jesus in – pausing in the chaos and crud of sickness and anxiety and uninvited trouble and just lighting the tree and praying, “Come on in. We’re waiting for You here.”

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Michael and I took a trip to New York this past week. It was our intended “romantic getaway” for just the two of us.

One day into our trip, Michael fainted from nausea due to severe food poisoning. He hit his head and was knocked unconscious. I dialed 911 for an ambulance, and the Fields ended up in the NYC hospital in the middle of the night.

Can I be real, here? Awesome. I’ll be real.

I spent the better part of last week – the week we’d planned on enjoying the twinkling lights and selfie-ing with the Rockefeller tree and eating too much cheesecake and making a tally of how many Christmas lights we saw – crying on and off about the messiness and fear of finding my husband in that awful moment.

After we checked out of the hospital, I mostly remember double-checking that Michael was OK every five minutes for the remainder of the trip. I couldn’t sleep unless I could hear him breathing steadily. The shock of finding him in such a weak state, the what-ifs that circled my brain and clutched my heart, the emotions of completely changed expectations about something we’d looked forward to for so long, the shock that OMIGOODNESS I LITERALLY DIALED 911 LIKE THEY TAUGHT ME IN SECOND GRADE, the massive amounts of Gatorade we consumed in the span of 3 days, and then the relief that I still have my husband and HE REALLY IS GOING TO BE OKAY made my emotions look like the following:

FDJSAL548W58OHYGURHEW584%&TFJDSKHGFJDGFDSG??!!!!!! **chocolate break** GHFDL48WIAHURLV8T4YE!!??!!

And so, somehow at first, stringing up the Christmas lights back at home…with Michael sleeping on the couch because taking the tree down from the attic wore him out…seemed…I don’t know. Weird?

Like, instead of spreading little spurts of light joy around my house…anxiety was insisting that I worry about Michael instead. Worry about anything, really.

Instead of…spreading joy.

How opposite of our life-breathing Jesus can one thought be?!!!

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It’s freedom, really, this: I can’t add even a minute to mine or Michael’s span of life by worrying (Matt 6:27). I feel like Jesus told us that as a command, but also as a freeing gift: holding it all together just flat-out isn’t up to us. We are not in control. Blessed assurance, we’re held by something greater than our own worry.

And so, in an act of defiant praise to the Author of Christmas, I continued to string up our Christmas lights. And the cats continued to rip them down. And it turned into the sweetest of times. 

Jesus keeps proving Himself to be the author of real, unyielding, hopeful sweetness.

And guess what?

The hubs is MUCH better by the time I’ve posted this! A little tired, but eating and working like a champ.

And guess what else?

Our lights are twinkling brighter than ever and I’m so glad I didn’t wait until we had it “all together” to rejoice.

Merry Christmas, and blessings and joy to you wherever you find yourself this season,

Robyn

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thes 5:16-18.

dear twenty-somethings

/ rkfield89 / 3 Comments

Dear twenty-somethings: it’s okay to live in your apartment.

And it’s okay to buy a home.

It’s okay to pay rent

It’s okay to pay a mortgage.

It’s great if you’re married.

It’s great if you’re not.

It’s okay if you want to have a baby.

It’s okay if you’re still trying to keep the front door plants alive (me).

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It’s okay if you can’t go on a big vacation this year.

It’s okay to splurge on a big vacation this year.

It’s okay if you still drive your car from high school.

It’s okay if your beloved SUV from high school named Sally broke on the way to Auburn and so you were forced to buy a new car. (But hey, Bruno Marzda is a pretty cool replacement).

It’s okay to go to bed at 8.

It’s okay to stay up way too late because you’re enjoying the people you’re with.

It’s okay if you want to go out to eat on a Friday night with a bunch of people.

It’s okay to spend Friday night in eating easy mac and watching Full House reruns.

It’s okay to actually stop working at 5.

It’s okay if you have NO PLANS for the weekend.

It’s okay if you don’t have your dream job yet.

It’s okay if your home is one big (or small) IKEA showcase.

You’re still valued even if you weren’t invited to that thing.

And you’re a real champ for attending the 3 wedding showers you had in one weekend.

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Wedding shower champs

It’s okay if your friend makes more money than you do.

And you should totally celebrate your bonus!

It’s okay if the person in the next office over doesn’t seem to like you very much.

And it’s okay to be nice to the person in the other office whose lunch stinks up the break room.

It’s okay if nothing big is happening.

And it’s okay if you’re dealing with something really big.

It’s okay if you lost touch with that friend. It doesn’t mean you love each other any less.

It’s okay if you stay at home with your baby every day.

It’s okay if you don’t.

It’s okay if you work odd hours and weekends.

It’s okay if you feel like a mombie every day because Baby. Doesn’t. Sleep.

It’s okay if you’re totally over first dates.

It’s okay if sometimes you wonder if you’re keeping up. Because social media makes it nearly impossible not to wonder.

On that note, it’s okay if you get 3 likes.

It’s okay if you get 300 likes.

(Who came up with “likes” anyway?! Facebook? Congress? The Goonies? I can’t remember.)

It’s okay to slow down.

It’s okay to relax.

You know, recently I’ve noticed it’s so easy to compare myself to other twenty-somethings without even realizing it….

…other accomplishments, other homes, other vacations, other adorable baby pictures, other really fun-looking parties…

Maybe it’s just me. But goodness. In the age of social media, I suppose it’s a part of life: this navigating the emotions of celebrating with our peers while somehow thanking God for the reality of our own here and now.

So….twenty-somethings? Thirty-somethings? Sixty-somethings?

I think we’re doing great.

And I feel like if Jesus could say something to us about comparison, it’d sound a lot like what He told Adam and Eve when they first discovered they were naked and became ashamed, or what He told his disciples when they noticed the crazy huge waves all around them instead of looking at the Creator of the waves right in front of them:

 

“Dear one, who told you you weren’t good enough? Who told you you were naked? Unworthy? Oh you of little faith, let Me build you up. Look to me and I’ll tell you who you really are: valued by Me, a royal heir, perfectly glorious in My image. I love you. More than every grain of sand on the earth I love you. You don’t need to look at other people’s waves; look to Me, simply hold my outreached hand, and I’ll guide you through each of your days which are unfolding into the most perfect story I’ve written especially for you. I’m more than excited about your own special story. I’m so joyful about you and your story that I sing over you every moment, hoping you take the time to hear my song just for you! Take heart, child. Friend. I’m with you. Always. And forever. Into eternity, I am with you.”

-(Gen 1:27, Gen 3:11, Matt: 8:26, Matt:28:20, Psalm 139:16, 18, Rom 8:17, Ephesians 1, Zeph 3:17, Isaiah 41:10).

Blessings to you and your tiny apartment or to you and your 5-bedroom house, blessings to you and your spouse or to you and your roommates, blessings to you in your cubicle or to you and the baby in your lap,  

Robyn

Moving + Decorating on a Budget: A Newlywed’s Moving Survival Guide

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“Let’s move!” we said.

“It’ll be exciting and fun!” we said.

“Let’s move in August in the high heat of summer!” we said.

…

…

Next time we move, we’ll probably do it in like, winter.

Not summer. Sweat. Bees. More sweat.

PLUS there was the added factor that wife is to change as cat is to bathtub full of water.

So it took a little prodding to get me out of our tiny nest and into a different not-as-tiny-nest (“But I like hearing the neighbors through the walls! It makes me feel all cozy!”)

But – I’m happy to announce – the change and the bees and the sweat was all WORTH it, folks!

Michael was right.

Our new home is the best place for our little family.

I love it. A lot.

I don’t even miss the neighbors‘ footsteps or the smell of what they’re having for dinner each night.

Plus, Tucker has like 5,324 new stalking spots, so he’s pretty happy about it. (Still trying to figure out how to fend off the stairwell sneak attack. So far, it’s Tuck: 76, Humans: 0.)

Anyway, my favorite part has been decorating our new place to fit our needs (nothing breakable because Tuck will destroy it – except for the candlesticks that I TAPED DOWN to the mantle), and decorating the spaces to reflect who we are and to make our home a haven for us.

My sister worked with our budget and helped us pick out colors and lovely pieces for our space, and she’s brilliant at it. If it were up to me, the whole house would be pink and glittery, so I think Michael was especially happy for her help.

Before + After Pictures of our New Nest!:

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Wall Color // “Moonshine Grey” by Benjamin Moore // found at Home Depot. Pillows // Target. White Chair // IKEA. Mirror // IKEA. Coffee Table Tray // Target. Ottoman // hand-me-down, covered with duck cloth from JoAnn Fabrics (made by mama!). Lamp // IKEA. Side Table // church garage sale, people!

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Blue Rug // Overstock.com. Blanket Basket // HomeGoods.

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Curtains // IKEA. Side Table // HomeGoods. Vase + Flower (now destroyed by Tuck. That’s how I learned to tape things down, unfortunately) // HomeGoods. Mail Holder // Target.

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Occasional Chair // HomeGoods. Candlesticks // IKEA. Frames // Target. Painting // Lindsay Cox. Cat Lounge + Cat…Pet’sMart 🙂

Some other tips we picked up along the way:

  1. Embrace the chaos – it’s there to stay until a few months after you move in. Might as well accept and enjoy it for the adventure that it is!
  2. Increase the # of boxes you think you need substantially. If you count your belongings and decide you’ll need 50, get 75.
  3. Pack room by room or section by section, starting with the room you use the least to maintain a sense of normalcy for as long as possible!
  4. Once a box is packed, label it and indicate which room it WILL go to once it’s moved in. Michael and I color coded our labels to make it even easier (ex: green = kitchen). 
  5. Set a budget. Know that moving is expensive and you’ll probably go over the budget a little, but set a budget so you have realistic goals.
  6. Whole Foods hot bar is a great option for a “home cooked” meal prepared for you the fast food way!
  7. Be content with the fact that your new home won’t look perfect immediately. With budgeting and the time it takes, it will take months! And that’s kind of the fun part. Watching it take shape. Is it ever really done, anyway? Probably not. 😉 

Enjoy your day! Blessings,

Robyn

Come On In! The Husband is Sharing.

/ rkfield89 / Leave a comment

(…And the thing you’re going to read about toilet paper? I promise, I really don’t use more than the average human being. I think.)

The “Hubby List” happened when Michael and I sat down recently with one of our favorite dinners: pasta, butter, and the all-fancy processed Parmesan cheese you can buy from the spaghetti aisle and it doesn’t need to be refrigerated before you open it. (Sometimes I get really sophisticated and add bread crumbs to the butter mixture, because clearly pasta needs more bread. Can you ever have too much bread? My mom and I would say no.)

And then I looked over at Michael.

He was warm and cozy with a blanket (we like to eat on the couch with about ten blankets each), Love It or List It was on and I was pretty sure they were going to “love it” (my favorite outcome…who ever feels satisfied when they list it), and I had extra cheese in my bowl and life was just – good.

Michael and Tucker in our favorite spot. Despite the slightly crazed look on Tuck's face, he really does love us... ;-)

Michael and Tucker in our favorite spot. Despite the slightly crazed look on Tuck’s face, he really does love us… 😉

And so I snuggled in and asked Michael between bites of buttered noodles what are the biggest or most surprising things he’s learned about being married for a little over a year and a half now.

He thought for a minute and gave me some answers. And then a gigantic-sized neon pink light bulb lit up over my head. Because clearly I had a brilliant idea!

And so then I squealed a little. And maybe spilled some noodles.

And I said, “OH WOW, HUBBY! This would be a good blog! YOU can help me write A BLOG POST!!”

And then Michael’s eyes got big and he paused his chewing.

And so then I came down a notch or fifty in excitement and also assured him he wouldn’t actually have to write.

Maybe he could just jot down a list of things he’s learned about being a husband in our humble year and a half experience.

And so then he smiled and said “Sure.”

So without further ado, Michael’s list: “What I’ve Learned as a Newlywed Husband”: (p.s. – you’ll notice Michael can say in like 10 words what takes me 300 words. But it’s totally cool. Can I get a “what what,” fellow female talkers of the world?!….No? …Bueller? …Bueller?)

What I’ve Learned as a Newlywed Husband

  1. Get her a cat. Don’t ask questions — just do it. (Well… maybe that’s just my wife.)
  2. When you buy said cat, make sure she cleans the litter box like she promised. Oh, wait…
  3. You will probably go through toilet paper at an exponential rate.
  4. You will have more baking supplies than you ever thought possible. Just let it all in. Good things will come from these items. 

    The Best Cookie Ever

    Life-Changing Cookie! Click on the picture. You’re totally welcome.

  5. Friday nights at home with your wife and a movie will probably become one of your favorite times.
  6. Do guy stuff with your guy friends. There is something healing about hearing things go boom.
  7. The more you lead her, the more she’ll follow. It’s an amazing gift how God designed it this way.
  8. Success at home is way more important than success anywhere else. If you are succeeding at work but failing at home, it is time for a long look in the mirror.
  9. Your growth in The Lord and your growth as a husband will be one of the most important aspects of your marriage.
  10. Don’t hide from arguments and conflict. More often than not, you both needed to shed those layers that were so uncomfortably ripped away.
  11. Your wife is a princess of the King. Treat her that way every day, and it will amaze you how she flourishes. 
  12. Your marriage will be the catalyst for the best and hardest things you will ever experience, but it is the best adventure God ever created. 

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He’s great. I love the man. 

And so now I figure, with Michael’s super mature and helpful advice to newlywed hubbys, maybe I should jot down some things I’ve learned, too.

Hear this: I. AM. NOT. PERFECT at always applying what I’ve learned about being a God-honoring and husband-honoring wife, but the lessons I’ve learned are worth mentioning because perhaps they will be helpful to you as they are to me on my good days when God helps me remember:

What I’ve Learned As a Newlywed Wife

  1. Unconditional respect is to my husband as unconditional love is to me. Clearly, we both need both from each other, but I’ve learned there are few things that build Michael up like when I believe in him and tell him I do.

  1. Just because he’s not doing things my way doesn’t mean he’s doing them wrong. We’re different people, so we’ll approach some things differently. Like loading the dishwasher. And emotions. And loud chewing noises.

  2. It means a lot to him when I recognize all the things he does for me, like make the bed. And it really means a lot when I turn around and do those things for him in return.

  3. Tell your hubby EXACTLY what you mean. Chances are, he will not pick up on the 3 million emotions in your head and then correctly translate them. Trust me. And on that note…

  4. He WANTS you to tell him what you mean! Because your husband wants you to feel loved! So if an extra hug or nice note would mean a lot to you, tell him! Otherwise he might not know. That sets him up for success, rather than confusion and frustration. 

    I told Michael how much I like when he brings me flowers. So then he knows to bring me flowers! It's like the best win/win.

    I told Michael how much I like when he brings me flowers, so now he knows! Win/win if you ask me 😉

  5. Pray with your husband. There is literally nothing more intimate. You’ll love it.

  6. Believe him when he says you look beautiful.

  7. When he hurts your feelings, always give him the benefit of the doubt: He didn’t mean to to hurt you. He loves you! Yes, he did hurt your feelings, and yes, you do need to talk it out, but approach the problem with a healthy and trusting perspective.

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Now, if someone would like to volunteer to remind me about these things daily, that would be awesome. (Kidding, but, really.)

Happy Tuesday!

God’s Peace and Love to you,

Robyn

Why We Blog

/ rkfield89 / 2 Comments

Welcome! Why We Blog.

I (Robyn) have discovered in my first year of marriage that I am an extrovert. Meaning, the minute Michael and I wake up, I am delighted to share over a cup of coffee my current feelings and thoughts and big plans for the day. Even at 6:00 a.m., you can bet the Fields are talking. Or, at least one of them is. The other one is trying to wake up and listen at the same time.

Then, during the day, I like to write about everything I’m doing and learning. (And then I like to share what I write. Of course. Why write something down if not to share with another human being and then talk about feelings while we’re at it?!)

 Truly, I praise God for my wonderful introverted husband. He humors me so well, and I would even go so far as to say that unless the sun hasn’t risen yet, he’s extremely happy to hear about every single one of my thoughts and feelings.

My point is, if I don’t talk about something or write about it, it’s hard for me to learn. I process things by writing about them, and by sharing them.

I especially love to share the things that Jesus is teaching me. That’s why we started this blog. I think Michael and I would both agree we’ve learned more about Jesus and His love for us by being married to each other than we ever imagined possible. I also think God has used this special and sometimes frustrating post-grad stage of life to teach us more about Himself and ourselves than we thought possible as well.

Through all of the ups and downs and crazy twists, turns, surprises, joys, disappointments, hurts, and celebrations of being two years out of college and one year married, there is one constant and true thing that Michael and I have wholeheartedly come to know: God is faithful. God is good. Yesterday, today, and forever. (Lamentations 3:23, Hebrews 13:8)

My hope in writing this blog is that the things Jesus teaches me and Michael (as newlyweds, post-grads, cat-owners, ice cream connoisseurs, etc..) will be processed and then shared for His glory and hopefully will encourage others in our same stage of life. I know that whatever I learn from Jesus is not because I am smart or wise – but because of the opposite – because He makes wise the simple. And because He is faithful. (Psalm 19:7)

Blessings to you,

Robyn