Author: rkfield89

when you just want a fast-forward button

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Happy Wednesday!

Here’s a recap of my past couple weeks:

[  Writer’s Block – see: organizing pens in rainbow order; playing fetch with the cat; coming dangerously close to cleaning the oven; playing fetch with the cat a second time.  ]

But I’ve heard that writer’s block happens to the best of us. That it’s all part of the process.

The process.

Oh, good gracious.

It took a teary-eyed and quivery-lipped me looking over at Michael and informing him that maybe I’ve been wrong about this whole book endeavor because “it just doesn’t feel right at the moment and do we still have that box of thin mints and I’m going to Target to buy some new Essie polish and a candle and maybe a throw pillow” for me to face the truth: the best processes, the very best ones, take time.

Mainly the [[process = time]] thought hit me when Michael cocked his head and furrowed his brow in response to my teary-eyed statement and then matter-of-factly asked me, “Rob. Are you working on your book pitch right now? Or your synopsis?”

*Sniffled. Took a bite of three thin mints at once. Nodded.*

And so Michael laughed and sat down next to me on the couch and gave me a hug.

Then he reminded me that I said those exact same words the last time I had to work on a book pitch.

Oh.

Right.

See, the pitch and the synopsis come toward the end of the book writing process.

They’re like…mile 7 of a 10 mile run, where mile 7 consists of running a straight shot up a mountain the whole time. And also maybe being simultaneously shot at with nerf guns. (Just kidding about the nerf guns. But we played with them yesterday and they’re awesome.)

And so by this point in the book process I’M SO READY TO SEND THIS PUPPY OUT.

So ready.

But it’s not time to send it out yet. Not quite.

Because it’s worth doing right. And it’s worth doing right because I treasure my work greatly.

Like us, I think.

God treasures us greatly. And so He takes His precious time with us.

And so then I thought about LOTS of processes that take time and are treasured and are so worth it.

Forming a baby takes 9 months.

Adopting a baby can take years.

Education takes 13 years. At least.

Physical therapy to heal the muscles so you can run free again takes at least 2 months. (Hey there, IT band!)

A good night’s sleep takes 8 hours.

Deep friendships take years to form.

Standing in line for the new Harry Potter ride took 45 minutes (TOTALLY worth it).

Re—heating leftovers in the oven for 30 minutes is way better than heating them in the microwave for 1 minute.

God used 7 days to create the earth.

Jesus waited until He was in His thirties to start His ministry that led to our full redemption.

And completing His good work in us will take our lifetimes (Phil 1:6).

You know, it seems like the best things in life don’t happen instantly. Not at all. 

And maybe it drives us a little crazy sometimes because we can’t see the end result of the process like He can.

And so maybe that’s why He tells us to “Relax! Be silent and stop your striving, and you will see that I am God” (psalm 46:10 passion version).

Because we’re His workmanship, and our hearts are His good work. We’re worth the time to Him. We’re worth the process.

Plus, I feel like if He wanted us to hurry all the time, He’d say so. But He says the opposite. Be still.

I’d love to give my heart permission to be still.

So, It’s not that He’s ignoring us or dropped the ball because something’s taking too long.

It’s that we’re worth the painstaking and beautiful process to Him (Isaiah 43:4).

Even better, through all these processes in our lives, in whatever process we find ourselves, the heavy lifting isn’t ours.

We lift our eyes upward, trusting Him to hold every detail of every process of ours in His hands (John 3:35), because He is faithful to complete His good work in us (Phil 1:6) because His plans for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11) and because He works all things for our good (Romans 8:28).

So the next time we get impatient or discouraged because why is it taking so long?…let’s remember this, dear friends:

We’re too precious to the Father to be the instant kraft mac and cheese. We’re that delicious and totally-worth-it stovetop kind. [[ Disclaimer: writer’s block may induce these types of analogies. ]]

So let’s relax & give thanks for the process we’re in today. Because it’s beautiful grace.

Blessings & laughs & beautiful stillness to you,

Robyn

but, how can we really laugh at the future?

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This past week was one of those weeks where it was just a little harder to feel God’s love.

You know, where it’s just a little harder to believe in the depths of my heart how He does love me.

How He doesn’t love what I do or accomplish or what I don’t do or fail at, but how He loves…me.

So when I came across this verse, I jumped on it.

My heart was hungry for it.

And so I had to share.

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God,” Ephesians 5:1-2.

Dearly Loved Child jumped out at me. That’s my name.

Dearly Loved Child.

That’s our name, friends. Dearly Loved Children.

Loved, of course, by our parents if we’re lucky…

but also, who doesn’t want to be named Dearly Loved? Especially by Someone who created such beautiful things as laughter and stars and spring and a million different snowflakes and He’s perfect all together and He still loves us dearly.

I like the word dearly, so I looked up its definition.

Then I loved it.

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Dearly means, “very much; with affection; fondly; with much loss or suffering, at great cost; heartily; earnestly.”

Being loved dearly is beautiful. But it’s not a fluffy kind of love. It’s a hearty and earnest and affectionate and fond love and it comes at a price.

Oh…it’s Jesus! The Price! It makes sense! We are literally dearly loved by God because He fulfilled every angle of the word.

It’s almost like the writer of the dictionary knew something I only just found out.

Being dearly loved isn’t a light thing. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s our lifeblood. It’s who we are as Jesus followers.

If we never accomplish anything else, we are still Dearly Loved Children.

Nothing can take that away from us. No slow-moving Monday, no mistake made, no accomplish so great, no weeks flying by, no getting older, no getting fired, no getting hired, no getting married, no staying single, no having a baby, no loss, can change our name & place in Christ’s family.

Dearly Loved Children.

Dearly Loved Child.

Jesus followers are members of God’s very own family.

With that in mind, how so very compelling is it then, to love other people without fear of rejection? To step out without fear of looking foolish? To laugh without fear of the future (prov 31:25)?

It really is true. His Perfect Love does cast out fear (1 John).

Because…we’re secure. When we walk through the day with our banners held high proclaiming our real names, Dearly Loved Child of God, any false name the world tries to throw our way will simply pale and disappear into the all-encompassing folds of our Perfect Love banners.

I’m literally daring myself to enjoy who I am today. Not what I do. Because I don’t do things right all the time. Heck, a whole lot of the time. But I’m daring myself…or maybe it’s the Father daring me, inviting me, to enjoy Who I am in Christ.

We think about our weaknesses, our sin, a lot. And we need to. It’s sanctification and I’m so glad I don’t do the things today I did 10 years ago.

But let’s take a minute, a long minute, a lifetime, to claim His perfect love that covers our sin and to relish in our true names.

Dearly Loved Children of the King.

Praise Him and blessings to you,

Robyn

a book for all you girly girls

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For all you females who want a light-hearted, hilarious read that’s perfect for your bedside table even though you’ll probably finish it all in one sitting and it won’t even make it to the bedside table…I have a book for you!

A few things first:

1) I’m very choose-y about the books I read that are written for anyone over the age of 7.

And by choose-y, I mean, as much as I love a good Nicholas Sparks beach read, I skip over any and all sex scenes. Because they are awkward.

I don’t like books with sex scenes. I’ll just say it. But that’s a whole other story.

I also don’t like books with a lot of curse words. Curse words are not pretty. That’s also a whole other story.

What I’m getting at is: if I recommend a book, it’s “clean.”

2) This is a book whose target audience is teenage girls, the same way Harry Potter was targeted at youth. I still love Harry Potter, and I’m 26. So even though this book is targeted at teenage girls, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think you might, too.

It’s called, “I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have To Kill You.”

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The title sounds ominous. But it’s not.

The basic plot is about a 15 year-old girl who attends a secret boarding school for spies. And she’s hilarious. Her problem is that, and I quote, “Even though Cammie is fluent in fourteen languages and capable of killing a man seven different ways with her bare hands, she has no idea what to do when she meets an ordinary boy who thinks she’s an ordinary girl” (Ally Carter, Hyperion).

The book has also been optioned for a film by Disney. So basically, you know it’s good. (Think “Princess Diaries,” which was also picked up by Disney.)

Best part? It’s a series! So you can just keep reading about girls kicking butt using lipstick as weapons and it’s awesome!

Blessings and Happy Reading to you!

Robyn

a camera up the nose (& some other normal blessings)

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I started 2016 with a camera up my nose.

But only after I reassured the doctor that I could handle it.

I think he was afraid because at the sight of some nose-vacuum thingys to my right I broke out into a sweat and started breathing funny.

But victory! I did it.

But then boo! The camera didn’t show us enough.

Because the sinus infection is probably all in my head, we think.

Which means, third round of antibiotics in a month.

We don’t know if they’ll work.

But we’ll try.

And then we’ll see what the CAT scan shows.

And then we’ll keep trying.

Erm…2016 didn’t exactly start with a bang. And I’ve cried a lot because ALL THE HEADACHES.

MyLANTA the headaches.

And then there was that time the second doctor asked me “When did the pain start?” and then I recalled “Um..um…oh gosh…December 10…yeah..” with a sniffle that wouldn’t be stifled and then embarrassingly turned into a sob.

You know, not the cute kind. The ugly kind where you CRY.

And the sweet doctor. I will forever be grateful for the fact that she hugged me close in kindness and didn’t recoil in confusion at ALL MY EMOTIONS. Because I have many. All the time. Especially when my head is throbbing. Just ask Michael.

All that to say….I want to complain way more than I should need to count all the ways God has been good to me in this season of my bowling-ball head. (Definition of a bowling-ball head = a head that feels like a bowling-ball).

 

  1. I’m writing this on the laptop Michael surprised me with — because he believes in me.
  2. Michael’s patient heart, picking up the slack around here
  3. Disney Channel
  4. Our well-loved couch
  5. Somehow I felt great on Christmas. Thanks, God!
  6. The gift of working with a family who would rather me have all the doctor appointments I need than try to make a perfect schedule
  7. Tucker 
  8. Mom & Dad checking up on me
  9. Hey. If I have to be stuck on the couch resting, I’m glad I have a bag of Christmas candy to keep me company! Hey-Ohhh!
  10. Books. Alllllllll the books.
  11. Ibuprofen. I love you. 
  12. The blue-gray walls in our living room have surrounded me with so much joy.
  13. God’s Word. I never realized before how wonderfully, perfectly, and really human Jesus was until I read through – really read through – the gospels for myself.
  14. Time.
  15. Prayer. Even when I’m frustrated with circumstances (and even with God) He’s still there.
  16. The truth that God loves us unconditionally. Even when we doubt.
  17. Hope
  18. Doctors who try their best to solve our health problems.
  19. The doctor who hugged me when I cried.
  20. The doctor who stuck a camera up my nose (someone had to do it. I for one am glad he knew how and didn’t accidentally hit my brain or something).
  21. The fact that nowadays we have CAMERAS that can see into our HEADS to help us. (Crazy!)
  22. Strength to still try my best to do the things I love: writing, playing with kids, cleaning the house (did I just say I love cleaning the house?)
  23. How all of a sudden I appreciate cleaning the house because for weeks I didn’t have that strength.
  24. How I know God is working good from this month in my life even now, because He promises.
  25. How giving thanks changes everything.

 

All right, y’all. Here goes nothing. Maybe third antibiotic’s a charm. 

And yet, no matter what, all the while, God is good. 

“I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He.” Deut 32:3-4.

Blessings and health and God’s abounding love to you,

Robyn

Dear Michael

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Dear Michael,

Last night I saw God in you.

You didn’t know it – you were too busy teasing me, trying to make me guess what that gift is under the tree.

The one you wrapped up all nice with a bow while I was out, just because.

Because you know how much presents under the tree stir something in my heart like a little girl and the joy and smiles come so naturally with gifts…especially when they’re gifts from you.

And so you wrapped my Christmas present the day it came in the mail.

Because you couldn’t wait.

Christmas Present

And so when I came home late, tired from a full day, you held our cat and he bit your hand and you pointed to under the tree and there was the first gift of Christmas, wrapped carefully, just for me.

It looked so perfect under those Christmas tree lights.

You even agreed to take my picture with it…because you know that for me, it’s the First Gift of Christmas and worth celebrating with my tired, goofy grin from a long day.

But it’s not just about gifts, and you know that.

Because your love language is acts of service and so when I dropped your shirts off at the dry cleaning yesterday, I gave you a love letter.

And my love language is gifts and so when you wrapped that present up for me two and half weeks early and smiled that grin because you saw my own grin, you gave me a love letter, too.

But you reminded me of something.

We spent close to an hour laughing while we took turns wrangling Tuck and guessing about that gift.

I threw out every idea I could think it would be, and you just kept laughing because you knew I wouldn’t find out until Christmas, but it sure was funny watching me try.

And really, you didn’t know, but watching you watch me was the best part of it all.

You absolutely delighted in delighting me.

Your big smile and your kind eyes shining…watching your bride guess what gift she has coming…well, you radiated Jesus’s love.

I couldn’t help but think this morning how…if that’s how a mere man can feel, giving a gift, wrapping it up, waiting for the right moment to let his bride enjoy it…that must be a taste of what it looks like up in Heaven.

Our Perfect Father, lavishing good and perfect gifts on His people, the church…

…lavishing mercy and hope in the midst of our messes…

…lavishing peace and joy in the midst of our chaos…

…lavishing sunsets and bright grass and bare winter trees and warm water and colors and books and laughter and space heaters and picture frames and time to look upward & worship in the midst of our daily tasks…

…and all the while, I like to think, of our Perfect Father radiating perfect love, basking in the joy of watching us all enjoy His gifts…and even more, warming in delight as we recognize our gifts are from Him because He is good and perfect and because He loves us.

So Michael, last night, you showed me a glimpse of our Father’s love.

A small taste of Heaven’s smile.

An encouragement to delight in the Giver of good and perfect gifts.

A thought that perhaps…the gleam in your eye is a reflection, made in His image…of an even greater gleam in His eyes toward us.

Love,

your wife

p.s. – I’m about to wrap your present, too…so start guessing!

When you’re tired of performing for God

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…because we weren’t made to perform for God. We aren’t wired for performance at all.

We’re made to enjoy God. To worship Him. To love Him.

To walk leisurely with Him in the garden in the cool of evening.

And yet, we find ourselves so often running hard in the opposite direction.

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Instead of enjoying God’s love, we easily fall into the trap of earning God’s love.

Or doing the right thing…performing…to show Him how much we love Him.

Or to show Him…how good we are.

But…

we just…

…can’t.

We keep trying, but…

…we mess up…

…we won’t ever live up to our own standards…

…or to the imagined standards we think God holds us to.

And then, we feel…guilty.

Because we just…can’t…do it.

Because…how can you live up to standards that don’t really exist, anyway?

Let’s not be deceived, dear hearts.

There’s only one standard God holds us to.

Jesus.

My heart breathes and exhales and I close my eyes, and…Jesus.

What we could not do…what we cannot do…He did for us once and for all…

…for every day…of our whole lives…we can’t mess up what He has done…

…and Jesus has freed us from a life of failed performance and delivered us into a life of God With Us.

Forever.

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Since Jesus so freely gifted us with communion with God, who are we not to take it?

I’ve written a few words to help myself meander back into that garden place with God.

I have these words written on an index card to take with me anywhere and remind myself of my right standing before God, and I pray these words might help you find your way back to that garden place, too.

I will not feel guilty today. I am already perfect in God’s eyes. (2 Cor 5:21, Psalm 139:14) God leads with powerful love – not with guilt. I have nothing to fear, because God’s perfect love casts out all fear.(1 John 4:18) I will enjoy today as a gift from God, not as a maze I have to figure out. (1 Thes 5:18) God’s goodness and mercy follow me wherever I go (psalm 23:6), and I walk through this day under the banner of God’s perfect love & with the shield of faith, believing God’s Word. (Eph 6:16-17, Psalm 136, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 103: 4,8,17, Romans 5:8, John 3:16, John 15:13)

Blessings to you, and may you enjoy Him & rest in His abundant love for you today!

Robyn

Moving + Decorating on a Budget: A Newlywed’s Moving Survival Guide

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“Let’s move!” we said.

“It’ll be exciting and fun!” we said.

“Let’s move in August in the high heat of summer!” we said.

…

…

Next time we move, we’ll probably do it in like, winter.

Not summer. Sweat. Bees. More sweat.

PLUS there was the added factor that wife is to change as cat is to bathtub full of water.

So it took a little prodding to get me out of our tiny nest and into a different not-as-tiny-nest (“But I like hearing the neighbors through the walls! It makes me feel all cozy!”)

But – I’m happy to announce – the change and the bees and the sweat was all WORTH it, folks!

Michael was right.

Our new home is the best place for our little family.

I love it. A lot.

I don’t even miss the neighbors‘ footsteps or the smell of what they’re having for dinner each night.

Plus, Tucker has like 5,324 new stalking spots, so he’s pretty happy about it. (Still trying to figure out how to fend off the stairwell sneak attack. So far, it’s Tuck: 76, Humans: 0.)

Anyway, my favorite part has been decorating our new place to fit our needs (nothing breakable because Tuck will destroy it – except for the candlesticks that I TAPED DOWN to the mantle), and decorating the spaces to reflect who we are and to make our home a haven for us.

My sister worked with our budget and helped us pick out colors and lovely pieces for our space, and she’s brilliant at it. If it were up to me, the whole house would be pink and glittery, so I think Michael was especially happy for her help.

Before + After Pictures of our New Nest!:

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Wall Color // “Moonshine Grey” by Benjamin Moore // found at Home Depot. Pillows // Target. White Chair // IKEA. Mirror // IKEA. Coffee Table Tray // Target. Ottoman // hand-me-down, covered with duck cloth from JoAnn Fabrics (made by mama!). Lamp // IKEA. Side Table // church garage sale, people!

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Blue Rug // Overstock.com. Blanket Basket // HomeGoods.

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Curtains // IKEA. Side Table // HomeGoods. Vase + Flower (now destroyed by Tuck. That’s how I learned to tape things down, unfortunately) // HomeGoods. Mail Holder // Target.

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Occasional Chair // HomeGoods. Candlesticks // IKEA. Frames // Target. Painting // Lindsay Cox. Cat Lounge + Cat…Pet’sMart 🙂

Some other tips we picked up along the way:

  1. Embrace the chaos – it’s there to stay until a few months after you move in. Might as well accept and enjoy it for the adventure that it is!
  2. Increase the # of boxes you think you need substantially. If you count your belongings and decide you’ll need 50, get 75.
  3. Pack room by room or section by section, starting with the room you use the least to maintain a sense of normalcy for as long as possible!
  4. Once a box is packed, label it and indicate which room it WILL go to once it’s moved in. Michael and I color coded our labels to make it even easier (ex: green = kitchen). 
  5. Set a budget. Know that moving is expensive and you’ll probably go over the budget a little, but set a budget so you have realistic goals.
  6. Whole Foods hot bar is a great option for a “home cooked” meal prepared for you the fast food way!
  7. Be content with the fact that your new home won’t look perfect immediately. With budgeting and the time it takes, it will take months! And that’s kind of the fun part. Watching it take shape. Is it ever really done, anyway? Probably not. 😉 

Enjoy your day! Blessings,

Robyn

8 Easy Ways to Stay Productive as Your Own Boss

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Working for yourself is all fun and games until you start having one-sided conversations with your cat…then you might need a little motivation. 😉

That being said, this past month marks my 1 year anniversary of working for myself! WOOHOO!!!! Cue the fireworks, people!!

My career choice – God’s career choice for me – has been nothing short of His gift for my soul.

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I can’t imagine a day now without exercising my creativity through writing. And neither can I imagine a day without playing with my favorite littles in the whole world outside of a classroom…talk about the best inspiration!

So, best part about working for myself? No one tells me what to do.

Worst part about working for myself? No one tells me what to do.

I’m sure it’s with that in mind that lots of people ask about what my work day looks like. 

“How do you stay motivated?”

SO – aside from becoming a cat lady and hounding instagram with pictures of Tuck – here is a list of the ways I’ve learned to not only stay productive, but to really thrive in my unique (and 1 year strong!! eek!) working environment.

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8 Easy Ways to Stay Productive as Your Own Boss

  1. Wake up early.

  2. Establish a routine. (But if you’re a creative, make it a loose routine. Give yourself some leeway and grace for the mornings when you’re in the ZONE and don’t want to take that scheduled break or when you’re enjoying making pumpkin bread and the work can wait for thirty more minutes.)

  3. On that note… work in chunks of time and take breaks. I do it this way: 45 minutes of straight work, then 15 minutes of a break that has nothing to do with whatever creative project I’m working on. Like, laundry. But I don’t usually do that. Because….laundry. (Side note: I’ve even read that if you work in a regular office from 9-5, you’re more productive if you work in chunks of time, too, even if your break is simply walking to the water machine and back.)

  4. Text a friend at least once during the day – this provides human interaction during the work day because…the cat doesn’t count.

  5. On a similar note, if you don’t work from a rented office, get out of the house at least once a day! Even if it’s just to Target. Scratch that. Don’t go to Target. You’ll spend $300. Go to Home Depot instead…?

  6. Complete the hardest task first thing! (Not my favorite tip. But it’s true.)

  7. Exercise – with somebody! Endorphins and extra human interaction?! Jackpot!!! (Another side note: this great exercise program called Piyo is literally the bomb-dot-com.)

  8. When your established routine says it’s the end of the day, STOP. Don’t overwork and burn yourself out! Your work will be there tomorrow. I promise! 

“And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God…” Col 3:23, MSG translation.

Now go and have a wonderful and productive day!

Blessings to you,

Robyn

follow-up to “the scariest question of all”

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Friends,

Your comments, heartfelt prayers, texts, and messages have absolutely humbled me and you have filled my heart to the BRIM with joy and encouragement!

*read original post here*

It also blew me away how we are not alone.

The overwhelming and beautiful response to my story was “Hey. Me, too.”

Me, too.

If only I could share with you how many beautiful “me, too” hearts there are.

just some beauty for you

just some beauty for you

No wonder the Lord had his last meal with his best friends. Community. Being together. Being unified. Knowing that “One of the disciples, the one whom Jesus loved dearly, was reclining next to him, his head on his shoulder” John 13:23, msg version, emphasis mine.

Knowing that the Lord’s friends leaned on Him the night before He gave Himself up for them. Knowing that we lean on the Lord. Knowing that we enjoy the warmth of friends on our shoulders just as Jesus did.

Beautiful.

All that to say, I’m so thankful for the community of believers around me.

Thank you for humbling yourselves and sharing with me your “me, too” stories.

Your beauty and radiance in Christ stuns me.

If you shared your story with me and you don’t know the warmth of Jesus’s shoulder yet, I will be praying for you. You are dearly loved.

If you didn’t share your story with me, but it’s there in the deep place in your heart, guarded close, I will be praying for you, too. You are dearly loved.

The warmth of Jesus’s friendship can go to that deep heart place and trade joy and gladness for the ashes of insecurity (Isaiah 61:3).

Priceless Resources for All:

This sermon, “Insecurity,” breathed the life of Jesus into so many hearts a few Sundays ago. I’ve never posted a sermon. This one cries out to be shared. The pastor, David, shares his own battle with Insecurity, and explains how Jesus pulled him, pulls him, out of it. It’s amazing and relatable and true.

I think it’s 40 minutes…listen on your walk, your treadmill run, it’s worth it.

Watch:

video

Listen:

audio

If you are one of the beloved hearts who still isn’t sure about Jesus, who’s questioning, that’s okay.

Jesus likes questions. Because you ask them. And He likes you.

This resource below answers a lot of those questions. It’s not flashy. It’s just a chance for you to get answers in a zero pressure situation by listening to the questions and answers others before you have had. Questions I have had, too.

Here’s the link:

https://www.perimeter.org/series/view/investigative-forum/

Blessings and joy in Christ to you today,

Robyn

when i asked the scariest question of all

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I would love to share a bit of my story with you…

Here’s why.

I was nervous to lead worship last week.

But it wasn’t the good, excited kind of nervous.

It was the nervous that happens when thoughts creep in like, “What if they decide I’m not good enough to come back and do it again? What if I choke up there? What if I sound bad? What if they think…?”

And these are not worship-leading thoughts.

And they bothered me. I knew I couldn’t lead worship like that, but I also knew singing to the Lord and inviting others to sing with me breathes life into my heart.

I couldn’t surrender to those thoughts, so I prayed.

And just like He promises, Jesus bent down low to my quiet plea and came near.

He whispered gently, quietly, the question I simply couldn’t ask myself.

Because at first, it was literally the scariest question I could face.

It was the question He used to unlock my heart and set it free.

“What if they do decide you’re not good enough, Beloved? What if you do mess up? What if you don’t sound your best? What if they never invite you back?

Who are you, then, Beloved?”

And I swallowed hard in the realization and My heart popped out of my chest and the house I’d built upon shifting sand was gone.

Where to put my house, my identity? Where to place it? MyLANTA, is there nowhere on this Earth safe enough, secure enough, to rest in who God made me to be?

No. Blessed truth, no.

Not here.

May I share a bit of my story with you? It seems I’ve been in a sort of identity crisis for lots of (most of) my life until now.

I had a very comfortable childhood, a wonderful family with loving parents who are still together to this day.

I had an even more comfortable growing-up and teenage life, which Michael informs me is weird.

I loved high school. I found my place – my identity – and I built my house upon it.

I led worship at our FCA and at youth group. I was the guitar-playing, singing chick who loved Jesus and loved singing to Him and that was my identity.

I had awesome friends and they were my identity.

I was crowned homecoming queen, and that was my identity.

Homecoming

Needless to say, I was a pretty confident girl headed to college but whose confidence and identity was built upon a foundation of sand.

I joined a sorority. And all of a sudden, I wasn’t the only homecoming queen.

I was literally surrounded by homecoming queens.

The sand started to slip.

My grandfather passed away.

My loving family looked different to me now.

Death happened.

More sand slipped.

I tried out for the worship team of my campus ministry.

I didn’t make it.

I wasn’t a worship leader anymore.

The sand slipped.

Lots of friends headed a different direction than me.

I wasn’t in my friend bubble anymore.

And the sand was gone.

And all through college, my Jesus walked with me and picked up my broken pieces, but still I was so insecure and couldn’t figure out why.

Andrew Strickland Photography (19 of 53)

Fast forward to post-college, and I became a teacher. My new identity. My new house to in which to rest my heart and yet it was built upon sand again.

It seemed pretty secure until I was told with the harsh words of misdirected anger that I simply wasn’t good enough, and was laid off.

I taught for a bit longer elsewhere, and then became a writer.

Relief, a new identity.

Positive feedback came with my first book, and my house upon sand seemed golden.

And then, I found a book so similar to mine that I had to put my project on its shelf and start from scratch.

My timeline of publishing books for children wasn’t panning out the way I had planned.

“What if I never publish a book? Who am I, God?”

This cry of my heart came to a head when I was asked to lead worship last week.

And then Jesus, upon His throne of mercy, stooped down to me in a pew as I prayed and cried and He whispered,

“You are mine. I am yours. You’re identity is Me.”

What?

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:19.

The eyes of my heart were opened in sudden seeing. Seeing freedom. Seeing the Rock on which to build my house of identity for the first time.

Jesus says, “I will never change. Therefore, who you are, my sheep, my heir, will never change. Rest in Me. It’s why I came, Beloved.”

And I cried with relief and the joy I cannot even describe, and I made this list.

It has become my freedom banner.

My identity is not…

a mess up, a worship leader, a good girl, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an author, a nanny, a teacher, a friend, a pretty girl, an ugly girl, an anxious girl, a control freak, a worryer, popular, unpopular, a right girl, a wrong girl, a discerning girl, a faithful girl, a musical girl, a successful girl, a lazy girl, a fired girl, a hired girl, a homecoming queen, an outcast.

My identity is…JESUS.

I. Am. His.

Andrew Strickland Photography (28 of 53)

If you’ve ever felt insecure, (so that’s like, 100% of us, I’m assuming), I encourage you to make a freedom list of what your identity is not…ending with Who your identity is. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

Blessings to you and forever security in Him,

Robyn