dear twenty-somethings

Dear twenty-somethings: it’s okay to live in your apartment.

And it’s okay to buy a home.

It’s okay to pay rent

It’s okay to pay a mortgage.

It’s great if you’re married.

It’s great if you’re not.

It’s okay if you want to have a baby.

It’s okay if you’re still trying to keep the front door plants alive (me).


It’s okay if you can’t go on a big vacation this year.

It’s okay to splurge on a big vacation this year.

It’s okay if you still drive your car from high school.

It’s okay if your beloved SUV from high school named Sally broke on the way to Auburn and so you were forced to buy a new car. (But hey, Bruno Marzda is a pretty cool replacement).

It’s okay to go to bed at 8.

It’s okay to stay up way too late because you’re enjoying the people you’re with.

It’s okay if you want to go out to eat on a Friday night with a bunch of people.

It’s okay to spend Friday night in eating easy mac and watching Full House reruns.

It’s okay to actually stop working at 5.

It’s okay if you have NO PLANS for the weekend.

It’s okay if you don’t have your dream job yet.

It’s okay if your home is one big (or small) IKEA showcase.

You’re still valued even if you weren’t invited to that thing.

And you’re a real champ for attending the 3 wedding showers you had in one weekend.


Wedding shower champs

It’s okay if your friend makes more money than you do.

And you should totally celebrate your bonus!

It’s okay if the person in the next office over doesn’t seem to like you very much.

And it’s okay to be nice to the person in the other office whose lunch stinks up the break room.

It’s okay if nothing big is happening.

And it’s okay if you’re dealing with something really big.

It’s okay if you lost touch with that friend. It doesn’t mean you love each other any less.

It’s okay if you stay at home with your baby every day.

It’s okay if you don’t.

It’s okay if you work odd hours and weekends.

It’s okay if you feel like a mombie every day because Baby. Doesn’t. Sleep.

It’s okay if you’re totally over first dates.

It’s okay if sometimes you wonder if you’re keeping up. Because social media makes it nearly impossible not to wonder.

On that note, it’s okay if you get 3 likes.

It’s okay if you get 300 likes.

(Who came up with “likes” anyway?! Facebook? Congress? The Goonies? I can’t remember.)

It’s okay to slow down.

It’s okay to relax.

You know, recently I’ve noticed it’s so easy to compare myself to other twenty-somethings without even realizing it….

…other accomplishments, other homes, other vacations, other adorable baby pictures, other really fun-looking parties

Maybe it’s just me. But goodness. In the age of social media, I suppose it’s a part of life: this navigating the emotions of celebrating with our peers while somehow thanking God for the reality of our own here and now.

So….twenty-somethings? Thirty-somethings? Sixty-somethings?

I think we’re doing great.

And I feel like if Jesus could say something to us about comparison, it’d sound a lot like what He told Adam and Eve when they first discovered they were naked and became ashamed, or what He told his disciples when they noticed the crazy huge waves all around them instead of looking at the Creator of the waves right in front of them:


Dear one, who told you you weren’t good enough? Who told you you were naked? Unworthy? Oh you of little faith, let Me build you up. Look to me and I’ll tell you who you really are: valued by Me, a royal heir, perfectly glorious in My image. I love you. More than every grain of sand on the earth I love you. You don’t need to look at other people’s waves; look to Me, simply hold my outreached hand, and I’ll guide you through each of your days which are unfolding into the most perfect story I’ve written especially for you. I’m more than excited about your own special story. I’m so joyful about you and your story that I sing over you every moment, hoping you take the time to hear my song just for you! Take heart, child. Friend. I’m with you. Always. And forever. Into eternity, I am with you.”

-(Gen 1:27, Gen 3:11, Matt: 8:26, Matt:28:20, Psalm 139:16, 18, Rom 8:17, Ephesians 1, Zeph 3:17, Isaiah 41:10).

Blessings to you and your tiny apartment or to you and your 5-bedroom house, blessings to you and your spouse or to you and your roommates, blessings to you in your cubicle or to you and the baby in your lap,  


when is it the right time to have a baby?

“When is it the right time to have a baby?”

Well, I daresay.

I have no clue.

This was one of the first questions my newlyweds Sunday school class was asked. About a year ago. I still haven’t forgotten (because reactions were entertaining, to say the least).

The class was split into small groups and asked this question and was then unleashed to talk and debate and hash out some kind of an answer.

There were lots of answers. (All good, logical ones, by the way.)


“When we have more room.”

“When we have more money.”

“When I can make a better dinner than Kraft Mac and Cheese.”

My answer?

“I don’t know. And I don’t pretend to. But goodness knows not right now.”

And still, as a year has passed, more friends get pregnant and more friends get engaged and more friends get married and more friends change jobs and more friends move and I’ve come to realize…

…if there was a “right time” for everything, wouldn’t that be boring? And stressful?

And if it’s true, that there’s one “right time” for everything, what if you miss the “right time” because you weren’t paying attention?

But isn’t God, our Creator, more creative (and abundantly more loving) than that?

My answer to the Sunday school question has changed. Because I think that God, rather than watching and waiting to see if we all make the “right decision” at the “right time,” takes a different approach.

A Fatherly one.

“He has told you, oh man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8 (emphasis mine)

See, The Lord doesn’t require us to figure out the timeline of our lives. That’s not what His infallible Word says.

Instead, He requires us to commune with Him. To trust Him. *And we can,* because He will “instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; [He] will counsel you with [His] loving eye on you” (Psalm 32:8, emphasis mine).

My answer now to the question “When is the right time to have a baby?” is still I have no clue.

BUT God knows. And He’ll let me know, too. When it’s time.

And that can go with the other fun questions….

“When are you going to find someone to date?”

“When are you going to get married?”

“When are you gonna have another kid?”

“When are you gonna switch jobs?”

“When are you gonna buy a house?”

You know, God knows.

And he’ll let us know.

So we can relax. And enjoy the present moment. Because the future isn’t a maze to figure out.

It’s simply a gift to be opened.

When you’re tired of performing for God

…because we weren’t made to perform for God. We aren’t wired for performance at all.

We’re made to enjoy God. To worship Him. To love Him.

To walk leisurely with Him in the garden in the cool of evening.

And yet, we find ourselves so often running hard in the opposite direction.


Instead of enjoying God’s love, we easily fall into the trap of earning God’s love.

Or doing the right thingperforming…to show Him how much we love Him.

Or to show Him…how good we are.


we just…


We keep trying, but…

…we mess up…

…we won’t ever live up to our own standards

…or to the imagined standards we think God holds us to.

And then, we feel…guilty.

Because we just…can’t…do it.

Because…how can you live up to standards that don’t really exist, anyway?

Let’s not be deceived, dear hearts.

There’s only one standard God holds us to.


My heart breathes and exhales and I close my eyes, and…Jesus.

What we could not do…what we cannot do…He did for us once and for all

…for every day…of our whole lives…we can’t mess up what He has done

…and Jesus has freed us from a life of failed performance and delivered us into a life of God With Us.



Since Jesus so freely gifted us with communion with God, who are we not to take it?

I’ve written a few words to help myself meander back into that garden place with God.

I have these words written on an index card to take with me anywhere and remind myself of my right standing before God, and I pray these words might help you find your way back to that garden place, too.

I will not feel guilty today. I am already perfect in God’s eyes. (2 Cor 5:21, Psalm 139:14) God leads with powerful love – not with guilt. I have nothing to fear, because God’s perfect love casts out all fear.(1 John 4:18) I will enjoy today as a gift from God, not as a maze I have to figure out. (1 Thes 5:18) God’s goodness and mercy follow me wherever I go (psalm 23:6), and I walk through this day under the banner of God’s perfect love & with the shield of faith, believing God’s Word. (Eph 6:16-17, Psalm 136, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 103: 4,8,17, Romans 5:8, John 3:16, John 15:13)

Blessings to you, and may you enjoy Him & rest in His abundant love for you today!